No acceptance

I had a flash of acceptance once. It was just a few days ago and it only lasted for a moment or so. Just long enough for me to realize the reality of my loss and the way my life has changed. It felt “normal” for a moment. I realized that it felt like acceptance.  And then it was gone. Then I went back to the bleakness and emptiness, which is the way it has been for months now, 17 months to be exact.  Now that felt normal.

I suppose I understand on an intellectual level that one day I will be able to accept that Michael is not here with me.  But on the emotional level, I just don’t know how that can ever happen.  I don’t see how I won’t be longing for him until the day I die.